In this section I am going to share with you a case study.
Savitha is married to Sukumar and the couple has two children. Both of them work in a company and earning decent salary. Initially the couples were very happy. After the initial phase of their marriage, the couples started to fight against each other and not a single day has passed by where the couples have not fought with each other.
It’s a fight for one or the other trivial issues. At times the fight also becomes physical and both of them shower blows on each other. For the gossip mongers and those who want to poke their nose on what is happening on another person’s life, they were the real darlings because the couples used to give enormous ammunition to them.
The couple’s children used to watch the entire developments and wonder which side to take and which to avoid. The actions of Savitha and Sukumar started affecting the morale of the children and their friends and the people in the environment started tagging the children with the fights the couples used to have, not realising the impact it has on the self esteem of the children. What is fun for others is a tragedy for the children.
Savitha was not working after the birth of their children and was dependent on Sukumar in the initial years of marriage. She tried explaining her situation to her family but they expressed helplessness in this issue and told her to handle the issue by herself as her family had got her married with huge difficulties and financial burden and they do not want to take any additional commitments.
For her family she was a additional liability, whereas for Savitha it was her life apart from the future of her children. She was looking for security, reassurance, love, caring, attachment etc., from her parents home apart from her husband’s side, but she was getting a feeling that she’s not wanted and accepted by her family and her husband’s family. She was waiting for the right opportunity to leave the family.
She was waiting patiently for few years since she delivered her second baby recently. Once things settled and she came out of her sabbatical, she wanted to get in to a job at the earliest. She was the only solace for her children as they were neglected by their father.
Sukumar used to shout for even a small ignorable mistake and make it so big as if Savitha or their children had committed a heinous crime and never takes things lightly. He used to take on Savitha and their children and hurl plenty of abuses for a simple problem, which could have dealt with in a very simple manner.
Sukumar used to do the same to their children. Whenever the kids drew or sing nicely they first go to their father, Sukumar, who unfortunately was more glued to TV or busy talking to his friends instead of appreciating his children’s works. They used to share their sorrow to their mom, who used to comfort them and motivate them. The children were unable to bear the tagging given by their environment, in particular by their friends as if their house never had any disagreements or fights.
One day the couple had a fight and Sukumar was at his best. Savitha couldn’t take it anymore. She packed her things and booked a cab when Sukumar had left for work after a nasty fight for a small issue. Savita locked her house, gave the keys to her neighbours and left the house. After travelling to a distance she had switched off her phone so no one from her family can reach her. She felt there’s no point of informing her parents when she could not get any help from them and rightly so. When relatives are not able to help in a crunch situation, there’s no point in having them.
Savitha decided enough is enough and started on a different journey by herself. For the traditionalists what Savita did is not acceptable as she had defied the values and principles that a woman is supposed to be with her husband no matter what. For her relations it was a responsibility and they are more worried about what people would perceive about her family than helping and standing by Savitha. For the children, parents are the greatest role model and every child craves for appreciation, acceptance and compliment which never came from Sukumar.
For Savita it was a matter of her life and her priorities. She got a new job and had set out on a different journey. She felt she can handle life’s challenges on her own. In one way I am glad this Savita stood for her rights and priorities apart from acceptance and appreciation.
The tagging her children got is very difficult to erase as it affects the self esteem of her children when they grew up. Savitha took a call when it comes to her future and her children’s future, she decided enough is enough and pursued her own path. Sukumar didn’t realise how his actions are having a bearing on the self esteem of his wife and children.
Sukumar now realises his mistake but it's too late. Love when not expressed when the person is right next to you and later on regretting is unacceptable.
There are plenty of people who are like Savitha who are suffering in silence and there are plenty of Sukumar who regret their actions after it’s too late. There’s no point of doing Surya namaskar when everything is over. Similarly no point in regretting for your actions when you had sufficient opportunity to make amends for your behaviour and actions.
There are plenty of couples who are like Savita and Sukumar who despite having all the gifts of life are still unable to enjoy the Joy of life for various reasons. The couples do not know how to handle pressure, handle various challenges and adversities life throws on an individual. There are plenty of joyful moments in a persons life but a couples focus is not on what they want instead on what they do not want and this unfortunately causes plenty of scarcity based negative spiral thoughts which leads to emotional outbursts, anger, resentment etc., in their relationship.
Without love and intimacy the couples would not have children? Like this there are plenty of other moments of Joy, love, care, bonding, togetherness etc., but the couple had focussed on areas which doesn’t give them happiness, togetherness, warmth etc., which is important for the relationship to survive. Instead the focus went on complaining and bringing out the bad person from each other, which led to their split. This apart the couples were teaching each other lessons of their life, which is another example of scarcity based negative spiral leading to the present state.
Are you having characteristics like Sukumar or Savita?
Do you want to better the relationship with your wife/husband?
Is your relationship under threat?
Have you filed for separation or divorce? Or thinking about divorce?
Are you finding your partner too hot to handle and craving for solutions?
Do you think you made a wrong choice of partner?
Are you facing any other problems and not knowing who to approach?
There are various ways to be happy and various ways to complain and feel sad. What area you choose to live in life is what the outcome will be. No individual or couples want to be sad and depressed and that’s not precisely they got married. There are ways to live happily and we are on a mission to help at least 10000 couples lead a Happy Married Life.
Do write to us at firstname.lastname@example.org with the nature of the problems you are facing and we shall be happy to help.